that one with the exploding house

New years eve is soon and IIIIII.... am not as hyped about it as I was about christmas and i never am, new years eve just isn't my cup of tea, the whole party aspect of any major holiday is just not my cuppa but alas, have a merry old time everyone! see you all next year!

-adios,D.

How to gift 101

The trick to always come out on top is to always rise to the occasion! Or to pull everyone down so low that their self esteem becomes the world record for limbo dancing, that's how I handle these matters most of the time.
I hope you all had a great christmas/kwanza/hanukkah/wintersolstice/devils worshipping day/ whatever-the-fuck-scientology-people-do(that's the actual name of their winter holiday) and got above the appropriate amount of good things that you get in your respective holiday!

-adios,D.

Christmas came a day early this year

*nervously checks website* that's the balaclava comic.
*checks comicfolder* so today should be this comic.
*checks facebook* yeah philip says so too....well HERE GOES THE CHRISTMAS COMIC!

-adios,D.

She knows kung fu

Nah she doesn't, Philip is just a wimp.

-adios,D.

The best kind of woman

I am currently working on owning every pokemon in the pokedex.
i am at 690 of 721.... It's weirdly fun AND i am so proud of how much I've achieved so far, once I get all 721 I'll probably reach my zenith as a human being.

-adios,D.

Searchterms: Philip in the shower

Stage directions can be a very tricky thing for...are those eyes on the minisweater? No...those are just the holes where it's sewed to my adult sweater right? Right?!
I didn't give him stage directions to do that, this is not feeding into a greater story this is Philip making me paranoid...

-adios,D.

Christmas sweaters

I never really got why these got called ugly, I mean, tacky, yeah but they aren't ugly per se. I'm a huge christmas fan so my opinion in this matter might be tainted by jolli- and happiness, a thing most people seem to lose as soon as the big supermarkets take out the decorations, so from april to january, but those sweaters look comfy and warm as hell! Maybe slightly itchy but you could probably work around that by wearing a shirt under them.

-adios,D.

Deck the halls Greg edition

On an outside layer I want to talk about this comic, I wanna explain the emotions and intentions of it but inside I KNOW that that would be a bad idea. Greg is the death, this is what he does, I shouldn't feel bad for it and Greg shouldn't either, it's dark, it's somber but I am really proud of Greg's rendition of deck the halls.

-adios,D.

P.S.: I don't expect to hear anyone sing this on the streets but it would be funny, you gotta admit.

Adobe is a fuckboi

Philip was at panel 2 of 4 of a pretty hefty comic( which will now be sundays comic) when suddenly adobe decided not to work anymore. Which Adobe program is good for drawing? I have no idea, he told me while we talked about changing up todays comic but I forgot again and now that I see the sign on the guys head it confuses me slightly. Also, it's the newest month so how about voting for us on topwebcomics.com? There's a button for that on the top right.

-adios,D.

Let's see what condition god's condition is in

This is our 420th comic so we thought we should do something special, personally, I am a big fan of Lebowski as our one true god, he seems to know what he's doing.

-adios,D.

Part of the ship, part of the crew

May or may not be definitely based on real life events.

-adios,D.

Philip on a wild rampage

Evil has many faces and it speaks a thousand languages but none as strong as fart jokes.

-adios,D.

Physics are for nerds!

It's weird how life just does things and surprises us in the smallest ways. The day before yesterday, in the night, I made myself a bowl of cereal because I like to eat them as sort of a snack, candy kinda thing, so I go to the fridge and put the milk back in after having poured it and I see the light go on and the fridge makes noise and everything seems just fine.
So yesterday morning I don't eat because I'm in a hurry, I come back home and BAM fridge is broken, but when did it happen? The light inside was still running, it was still making noise even though it was broken, so was I putting the milk in a non-cooling fridge already?
Made me wonder, sometimes we don't notice whether or not things are already broken.

-adios,D.

P.S.:I went so deep, I can greet the molepeople.

Rise of the Tomb Raider or seriously square?

Oh Square, poor, STUPID square. First you make an oooold original playstation property a timed xbox exclusive because your MILLION COPY SELLING first game didn't meet your expectations of LITERAL world dominance. Then you don't put out much marketing at all, which, to be honest I find rather sensible seeing as these days the marketing budget for any one thing almost doubles the price of making that product. But then you release your second Tomb Raider game on the same day as one of the most anticipated games of 2015 so any free marketing that could come from youtube or twitch is gone because they'd rather play Fallout 4.

-adios,D.

Edit: If this comic seems familiar, it's a spin on an old Simpsons joke, intentionally so.

Fallout 4 release comic

How could I pass up on an opportunity like this? One of the most hyped games of all time, with 200 THOUSAND concurrent viewers on twitch tv and apperently everyone is in agreement about the game! It's aight. The game isn't literally jesus but then again it didn't have to be, Bethesda has this way of making something that isn't exactly what you wanted but gives you the option of making it that for yourself.
I haven't seen much content on it and I'm debating whether i want to or not because I kinda wanna play it for myself but some of my favourite streamers and youtubers are playing it as well...well, we'll see.

-adios,D.

Our old friend Patrick

I know that bringing in characters nobody remembers  doesn't help our image, hence the name of todays comic BUT there's asian boobs here and you CANNOT POSSIBLY deny the greatness of that!
Also, I want confirmation on this, who does Patrick look like in panel 4? I wanna know whether or not I'm the only one who sees a certain character in his looks.

-adios,D.

Monkeying around

For once in my life I don't want to just utter an uneducated opinion opinion about something, I clearly don't have all the facts about the afterbirth situation as does the rest of the internet but the matter IS intriguing nonetheless, here's a rundown:
Afterbirth is a DLC for the HUGELY popular indiegame The Binding of Isaac and it's creator Edmund Mcmillen prided himself in the past on putting little eastereggs and secrets into the game that were impossibly hard to find, figuratively of course, there were always hints and nods, nudges and winks to make the audience find out eventually.
These secrets have built an immensely strong community that works together like a machine over the internet, which is always amazing to me as I'm still one of those guys who reads youtube comments.
So in afterbirth there was content missing for everyone, 120 items were advertised but only 74 were found this lead to a WILD goosechase and edmund is the kinda guy who fills his twitter with cryptic stuff just as the other guys on the dlc team did but now after a few days of people poking and proding it seems like stuff wasn't hidden it was just released later in a patch.
Reddit was and IS furious and in my opinion rightfully so but not for the right reasons in all cases, I have a problem with promissing one thing on the shopstore and then only later adding it, Early access is one thing but this is a full thing that people preordered and paid for.
The whole thing goes deeper than that of course, but I don't want to fill five pages with this, the reason I bring it up though is this, how much does a fan of content deserve? How much can a contentcreator choose what he creates after a while?
I sure as hell know my style of writing has changed because I want to appeal to more people(I am failing by the way, also tell everyone you know and love about this comic please!).

-sorry for the rant but it was one of my less emotiondriven ones so take it with a grain of sugar,D.

That one Halloween comic with all the memes

This comic is...I can't...I hate and love that last panel so much.

-adios,D.

On the flipside...of the letter

I really like ellipsis in case you've never noticed that. Yeah, so, simple comic, leadup to a Halloween thingamajic and I thought we really haven't seen ROBERT in a while. I write roberts name in all caps because I ALWAYS forget that his name is robert and not richard but what can I say? Personally I think he's much more of a Dick than a Bob.

-adios,D.

What's the deal with gluten free stuff?

My p button broke recently so I'll try writing this comment without using said button. So I went for a Seinfeldian hipster(goddamnit had to use p) joke today because I felt like it, it's nothing new but I always like to put little spins on things and...I can't do this, have you ever noticed how often you actually use the p button? I never did until friday when the friggin thing broke, GODDAMNIT.

-adios,D.

Storytime with grampa

I've been reading all these things about being a good person and doing what's good because it always comes back in some way, well, I wanted to say recently but I've heard them all my life and while they have some merit they have what I'd consider a mathematical inconsistency in them that has eluded me for the first part of my life and has made me the hardened terrible shell of a person you see before you today. If 90% of cases of you being nice lead to someone else being nice back, and usually to a lesser degree, then we can presume that 90% of cases where you're an asshole for your own gain lead to others being assholes for their gain. See the problem here? If people call you out on being an asshole then so be it, move on and try somewhere else but if people DON'T return your niceness you get fucked over so even if 90% of cases were ideal then the other 10% make the being an asshole thing MUCH more appealing and to be frank 90% was me being more than just hyperbolic.
All of those inspirational karma quotes are bullshit, don't be nice, PRETEND to be nice, get real good at not actually doing anything but leaving the impression that you did, THAT should be your lifegoal, if you want to be good then be good for goodness sake but fuck the karma thought because that shit is VERY stupid. If you're nice, chances are that's that, you're nice and the world stays a horrible void of monster looking people who's interior is filled with monster....goo? I lost track there...sorry.

adios,D.

Deja-Vu

I'm not entirely sure how I came up with this comic and why I felt it neccesary to make it part of UAC cannon but here it is, this is a thing now!

-adios,D.

Inception of insults

Anyone else watch the democratic debate last night? Was I really the only one who thought that Hillary didn't do very well, Sanders was amazing and Jim Webb did NOT get the recognition he deserved?
First off Hillary, her ENTIRE campaign is: I'm a woman! Well good for you but don't flaunt it like this, Obama was black too but he didn't always tell it to everyone, his slogan wasn't I'm black vote for me! unlike what I really now think Hillary's is. Sanders has the HUGE problem of being something that the americans THINK they don't want because they've conditioned to hate the words that are used for it even though the principles appeal to almost every single american.
Now my little rant about Jim Webb, did he say: I don't get enough time to talk! just one too many times? Yeah he did but he had a point, Hilary and Sanders had the overWHELMING majority of screentime which is just plain unfair and when Webb made he point he was decisive and seemed VERY well educated, his military experience seems like a big plus for a nation as eternally entangled in war as America is because let's face it, they are the current big brother of the world, sadly not just in the: I'll call my big brother! but also in the 1984 sense...But twitter exploded with bad things about Jim Webb because instead of listening to the candidates points the people judge preconceived notions that cannot be beaten! There will never be a true underdog story in the american presidential campaings because the media is completely rotten and in complete control of the flow of public opinion, which is frightening in times of Twitter, Facebook and general Internet shennanigans.

-adios,D.

Marketing campaigns with grammatical errors

There currently is a marketing campaign on tv called ImPerfect, it's also a twitter hashtag and I fucking hate it AND don't remember what it even is a campaign for which hopefully shows my complete and utter disregard for these kinds of campaigns. I get the whole idea that it's a play on imperfections being perfect but the idea loses all of it's fucking meaning the moment other words with Im, in those meaning I am, come into play that are imperfections and don't use the same fucking logic completely negating the point of the whole thing!

If you advertise with a pun or a funny joke #ImIn but the second you use bad grammar to make me look twice #ImNotMotherfuckingEntertainedAndWillActivelyAvoidYourProduct.

-adios,D.

There are so many better alternatives to Youporn

I don't remember who it was but I was watching a comedy number recently and the comedian on stage started talking about porn so NATURALLY they mentioned watching porn online on youporn. I seriously question everyone's knowledge about the internet who cites youporn as their best example for a pornsite I mean yeah they were the first majorly famous site and yeah they got a big library but they're kind of the myspace of pornsites, everyone knows they exist and used to use it I guess but people nowadays moved on to sites that infringe on their privacy much more effectively and that link WAY nastier stuff.
Looking at you Facebook.
Anyways, the only way of me mentioning youporn in a comedy number is me making fun of people using youporn as a pornsite example, the amount of specified pornsites is ridiculous, why would you buy your milk at the grocery store two streets from your house when your neighbour is a cow and asks for the same sweet price of NOTHING.

-adios,D.

Comic No. 404

File not found

Yo mama news network

Ironically enough the Party of Awesome comics are some of my proudest moments, whenever I have an idea for one of these I just get so gleeful because these are the height of my comedy in my opinion.
How is yo mama news not a thing yet? I really thought this would exist already.

-adios,D.

P.S.: If I wasn't so lazy I'd make this.

What The View SHOULD be like

I have missed you Alice, last time we've seen you you were in my room sweating real hard....
I just remembered that, gooooood times.
So I, along with some friends, made Philip play Smite with us and he actually enjoyed it(I think).
Personally I've played quite a few MOBA's but Smite is by far the most fun out of all of them, the gameplay just makes it that much more fun as opposed to tryhardy hardcore grinding as are LoL and the worse offender Dota 2, so, glowing recomendation of Smite, you should really try it.

-adios,D.

Holier than though

There's some jokes that are just so universally used that I can't not use them, like this one today, it's a sitcom STAPLE but it still gets a laugh here and there so whatever.
The minijoke in the first two panels is a reference to the fact that there's only like 3 Taco Bell's in all of Germany so in the movie demolition man they rewrote some scenes exchanging Taco Bell with Pizza Hut. I've had several arguments about this little factoid.
I also had to research the Taco Bell prices by googling pictures of Taco Bell menus so if those are wrong feel free to tell me in the comments, I'm eager to know the prices tbh.

-adios,D.

Dues to pay

I don't like to shift blame as much as I like to assign credit where it is due so with that I'll tell you that today's comic was DECIDEDLY Philip's idea, he really wanted to draw Louis in these poses and sweating.
This is also a reference to a fairly old internet meme called Van-sama, if you really wanna know who or what that is google it yourselves, you may be happily surprised by the muscular bdsm dungeonkeeper you'll find, or like I was you'll just be bored and uninterested.

-adios,D.

One god

My head is feeling terrible and I'm real nauseous.

Below the star, the hallowed land

I think I've made a Taco Bell joke before and the more I think about it the weirder that fact gets, we do not have Taco Bell in germany and I keep hearing mixed things about it but I LOVE "mexican" food and would love to try it out.
^Cueue the people saying it's disgusting and I'm not missing anything:

-adios,D.

I will now proceed to post the entire lyrics of Rawhide

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Rawhide!
Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Though the streams are swollen
Keep them doggies rollin', Rawhide
Rain and wind and weather
Hell bent for leather
Wishin' my gal was by my side
All the things I'm missin'
Good vittles, love and kissin'
Are waiting at the end of my ride
Move 'em on (Head em' up!)
Head em' up (Move 'em on!)
Move 'em on (Head em' up!) Rawhide!
Cut 'em out (Ride 'em in!)
Ride 'em in (Cut em' out!)
Cut 'em out Ride 'em in, Rawhide!
Keep movin', movin', movin' Though they're disaprovin' Keep them doggies movin', Rawhide
Don't try to understand 'em
Just rope, throw, and brand 'em
Soon we'll be livin' high and wide
My heart's calculatin'
My true love will be waitin'
Be waitin' at the end of my ride
Move 'em on (Head em' up!)
Head em' up (Move 'em on!)
Move 'em on (Head em' up!) Rawhide!
Cut em' out (Ride 'em in!)
Ride 'em in (Cut em' out!)
Cut em' out Ride 'em in, Rawhide! Yah! (whip crack)
Move 'em on (Head em' up!)
Head em' up (Move 'em on!)
Move 'em on (Head em' up!) Rawhide!
Cut em' out (Ride 'em in!)
Ride 'em in (Cut em' out!)
Cut em' out Ride 'em in, Rawhide!
Rollin' rollin', rollin'
Rollin' rollin' rollin' Yah! (whip crack)
Rollin' rollin' rollin'
Rollin' rollin' rollin'
Rawhiiide Yah! (whip crack) Rawhide

I don't have a clever name for a tambourine band

All of the characters in the comic are getting more and more character traits that I don't think I'll ever bring up again but Louis IMPECABLE tambourine skills are real and I'll never forget them because of the countless private(wink) concerts he has given me.

-adios,D.

The donkey rodeo

I wonder if the title of this post is awfully misleading or gloriously correct...I think I'll go with true, the title is true.

-adios,D.

The munchkin parade

I was gonna do some clever jokes with the Munchkin parade song here but goddamnit I can't beat Othello brick road, that is GENIUS.

-adios,D.

P.S.:
Ding Dong!
The Witch is dead.
Which old Witch?
The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up, you sleepy head.
Rub your eyes
Get out of bed.

Also the Munchkins.

The three wisemen were technically wizards so this is weird

Buuuuut it is one of the best jokes I think I have ever come up with, I am so utterly proud of this pun that it's almost sad.
Comming out of a slump writing wise there is no better feeling than comming up with something like this.

-adios,D.

The three wise men were wizards themselves technically

The regional finals for League of legends are going on right as I watch this and I must say they were much more interesting than expected. The past months the european League championship was being DOMINATED by Fnatic, they didn't lose a single game but Origen (funnily enough mostly comprised of former Fnatic players) are giving them a run for their money.
Now if you don't care about that I could talk about todays comic ooooor I'll tell you about the other game that is on later tonight...no? alright....
So today's comic was part of a lenghthy epiphany I had yesterday evening and comming out of a small slump writing wise that is a terrific feeling to have.
Also True Detective season 2 was aight, hated the ending but it had some reaaaally good parts.

-adios,D.

The star of not bethlehem

So there's this new Hearthstone expansion comming out soon and...well...bye.

-adios,D.

The star has a risen HALLELUJAH

I can't i just....I'm sorry I should talk about the comic or the first few episodes of True Detective me and Philip watched recently but all that is on my mind right now is that FUCKING mosquito that kept me awake the past two days and fucked up my entire sleeping rhythm!
I hear some of my friends say: oh as if 4 am to 2 pm is a good rhythm. IT'S A RHYTHM THOUGH!

-adios,D.

I have to work with these ideas!

I just... I don't... uuuuuugh.
So Sundays comic was just a joke, just an idea I had that was funny to me and not an actual jab at Philip, not an actual opinion being expressed through "sneaky" means but then he reads that comic and comes up with THIS comic and I just... I lose faith sometimes.
In humanity, in reality and in Philip.
I know it seems like I have no faith in Philip to begin with but I do I really truly do or at least I used to.

-Let go of all hope, D.

When "art" comes to life

I'm not aggresively against the ideas of other people and most of all not aginst the ideas of my coworker and best friend of five years and more but sometimes you just don't wanna hear their opinions.
So let's get some crosspromotion up in here, if you've always wanted to know what Philip sounds like check out our good friend Phil Skimbosh's podcast(y thing) Icebreaker Podcast here.
I'm only slightly mad I wasn't invited considering that Phil never had direct contact with me.
I am the funnier of us two though!

-adios,D.

Cheese, above all

You ever have that funny/cool thought while noone is around? This comic was one of those thoughts, I just thought to myself that no man should be immortal because it would be very deep emotional pain for everyone. I for one think I'd love being immortal.
And metal claws.
I'd be badass with metal claws.

-adios,D.

Hamburgers and their social acceptability

I just noticed recently how people in utopian futures and even some distopian futures make fun of hamburgers as a concept and how people could ever have eaten them(since those stories take place in the future).
Bitch, we ain't gettin' rid of hamburgers in ANY future.

-adios,D.

Getting lost in a game

Once in a while I will get completely and utterly lost in a game, usually that game is Pokemon and I will spent a metric shitton of time just breeding and IV training Pokemon (I probably talked about this already if not, look it up, it's insane) but recently it's been Terraria. It snuck up on me to be honest, they had another big update full of content so a friend of mine asked me if we wanted to play said update together and at first he was MUCH more hype about the whole thing than me, asking me each and every day when I could get back home and be ready to play but then it took me over, I had to wait for him to get back and I made several single player maps just to farm stuff.
The realisation that I had a problem came yesterday when I made a spreadsheet about fishing, just plain fishing and how to maximize the items I could reel in.
I really want that turtlemount....

-adios,D.

P.S.: You just lost the game, yeah I'm bringing that shit back, suck it.

The new Fantastic Four movie

Disclaimer: Absolutely noone involved with us thought that this trailer or any other tailer of the new fantastic four movie was "not that bad", this movie looks to have made some reaaaaaaally questionable decisions and I cannot and WILL NOT just be okay with johnny and susam storm probably being only halssiblings.

-adios,D.

Once robots take over, all arguments will become silly

This comic was Philip's idea and I didn't get it at first but then I got it which is why I preface this by saying that it was Philip's idea.
I've been watching It's always sunny in Philadelphia again and that goddamn serious really ALWAYS manages to shock me in the most profound ways. It just baffles me how horrible human beings can be shown to you but still made somehow relatable or at the very least you can be made to feel bad for them (as evidenced for me in the christmas episode, I even felt for Dennis in that one!).
In other news, the new Terraria update is great and I've been playing it with an old friend of mine a LOT now, we're not even at hardmode yet because I suck and because we're being pestered by another "friend", man do you ever have these guys in your group that noone like but that still always somehow show up? I hate that shit and I spend every waking moment thinking if I'm that guy for some group.

-adios,D.

I don't have a hidden agenda!

Let me explain myself here! My parents are friends with a lovely lesbian couple that have just recently gotten a child and they were over for dinner, so I was playing around with their little baby son because the other's wanted to eat and I'm generally really good at calming children, and while I'm carrying him around the house, rocking him slightly so that he doesn't cry, I get this idea of his first word being daddy and of course it spins sliiightly out of control.
Now as I said this isn't some sort of jab at any people out there I just thought this would be funny but with my recent comics basically ALL being horrible horrible things I thought I'd explain myself here, again, this came out of a totally natural situation and wasn't me sitting in a dark dingy room, sharpening my knives planning an attack, I don't do attacks on anyone!

-adios,D.

P.S.: I love how the gender of a character is basically defined by their hair.

Batman vs Superman, never has any thing been this hype except for Evo maybe

Did noone else think that the thing on Luthor's head was a wig? I mean it just looked so off. Most people who's opinion I heard thought that he'd lose his hair because of the radioactivity emitting from the kryptonite and I get that and agree but the wiginess of it...nanana nanana getting wiggy with it.
In other Batman v Superman related news, Wonder Woman looked ok but what I cared most about was the fact that there is a Jason Todd in this universe giving the posibillity to one of my favourite storylines of all time, the red hood storyline.

-adios,D.

Hot steamy and sexy

There are several things that need to be addressed with this comic, so I will do this.
1: Rocket League is a car football game, the sequel to supersonic acrobatic rocket powered battlecars, a GREAT insider ps3 game that was highly praised on all the forums I watched for 4player splitscreen games, it is now out on steam too so you should get it if you're into multiplayer games, I liked the first game better because there was more stage variety but rocket league is much more competitive.
2: it's been really hot in Germany the past week and that's why we're all wearing so little clothes.
3: I told Philip to just show Louis and Greg in the doorframe and not to show a very sexy sweating Alice in underwear, so this is not a sign of my unhealthy obsession with her but Philip's decision as an artist!
4: If I was into the whole bending over thing that would be my business and my business alone.

-adios,D.