Leave the dumb things to dumb people

There's this natural law that whenever a dumb person does something dumb the universe just accepts it as part of their being and so it doesn't punish them for it but whenever I (a particularly smart individual) do dumb shit it ALWAYS ends up fucking me in the ass. A few years ago on new years eve we celebrated with a few of my friends one of which tried to empty out some fireworks into a baggy and then blowing that up luckily that didn't end up working out for him because he couldn't find a fuse, unluckily enough he also threw fireworks on the ground before me which blew up against the ground and jumped right into my face.
Didn't end up giving me a scar but of course I was the one taking the goddamn hit because why not?

-adios,D.

Jacob Bloomfeld the greatest lawyer in hell

And the fact that he's the best in hell is saying something.
This is Louis thing by the way, this is a legit character trait I am giving him.
I'm a terrible person.

-adios,D.

The devil is our beeeest frieeeend

So we watched the room recently and it was truly a glorious experience. I am usually not really that entertained by terrible movies, I have a sort of pain threshold for them and if the movie steps over that even a bit I just descent into madness rapidly. The room though had something magical about it, maybe it was the fact that everyone was bad but seemed to try to act while Tommy Wiseau seems to try to act human for most of the movie. Then there's this one character who seems to have a character trait of loving sweets? We weren't quite sure if that was actually a thing, just the actor likeing sweets or if it was just coincidence.

Also, tonight is the Royal Rumble and I'm hype as SHIT have fun crushing all of my hopes WWE!

-adios,D.

Middle of the fucking night addendum: You have raised my hopes and crushed them quite expertly WWE, Bravo!

On the topic of Leonardo DiCaprio winning an Oscar

Aaaah the oscar nominations...Isn't it wonderful how Eddie Redmayne managed to get two movies in a row that just scream oscarbait? I mean I like the guy, I don't love him but I like him and the theory of everything was good, his performance was great and he deserves the recognition he got but there's just something about that movie that screamed: give us oscars! Last year we also had the Alan Turing movie with Benedict Cumberbatch that, for me, screamed even louder than Theory of everything but I suppose the physical acting was better in Theory.
My point is this, I know it's a running joke on the internet that DiCaprio has never won an Oscar and maybe he lost to more deserving people but I personally think that some of his movies just aren't oscar "material" not to say that they aren't some of the greatest movies ever conceived (I fucking love Inception to death) but they just aren't the very artsy high drama pictures that the academy likes for all the wrong reasons.
Gilbert Grape was his first performance so they didn't know they were snubbing him, wolf of wallstreet was at it's heart a dark comedy, inception is science fiction, which, boy does the academy fucking loaaaathe science fiction, Titanic was cheesy and aviator went up against a superior biopic so I guess it makes sense that he doesn't have an oscar yet but on the other hand...
go to google right now and check the list of movies Dicaprio was in, I DARE you to name one that wasn't at least passable.

-adios,D.

P.S.:While I didn't really hear much buzz about movies with black actors in them this year except for maybe Straight outta compton I do think not having a nomination in two years is slightly suspicious.

Learn your maths!

In High school I must've been the only guy defending math as something that you will need your entire life, even some of the weird and harder stuff. As I went on to attempt to study math in university I came to the conclusion that math can suck a big one but that was in reference to the things you learn there, my point still stands that the basics of math up to and including percentages and probability are if not essential at least very practical in every day life. Which is why every now and then I like to fuck with people in order to rove my point.
I fuck with people to prove many of my points but there really isn't anything more satisfying than proving your point AND making everyone else look like idiots.

-adios,D.

P.S.: I still tipped handsomely here, which you would know if you did the math.

People that totally want to hear your opinion

This happens to me WAY too much, people ask me for my opinion and I detail it, work it out to perfection and then they decide to completely ignore me AND as a final kick to the balls they choose something that I would've never advised them to do or buy.
I have a shitton of steam games and I've actually played most of them to varying degrees so I'd like to think that my opinion on steamgames is respectable and Louis used that during one of his first summersales to great effect, he asked me to give him a daily recap of the things on sale, he considered it and then went ahead and bought some of my suggestions, not all because of the subjectivity of my recommendations but enough for me to know that he actually listened to me.
TL;DR: Don't you hate it when people ask for your opinion just to get more time to realise what their own opinion was all along?

-adios,D.

Reality has a very hairy face

This has bugged me for a long time now and I thought Philip might eventually change it in some way shape or form but I guess if you want something you have to write it on the wall. There should always be a split between character and author and artist I guess?

-adios,D.

The one were our house really actually explodes!

I had this comming for a while now.
A few weeks back I asked Philip whether or not he had an outline for our flat because I could've sworn that there was either a lack of rooms or several rooms occupied the same spot or maybe not?
He told me that he had plans in his head but that there was some Kubrick logic involved where rooms sort of stretch and bend however we need them to, Kubrick does it to make people uneasy, we do it because our comic started five years ago and I never gave a damn about which room the comics took place.
So here! Our entire house has now been blown up, let's see where this leads.

-adios,D.

They did NOT blow up our house

Consequently, I technically lied in the title of wednesday's comic, well, at the very least you were mislead.
Happy new year guys, I hope you all have a wonderfully fruitful 2016 unlike I will most definitely have because life is a sinning vortex of dread, uncertainty, and bad luck....HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE.

-adios,D.

P.S.: I am okay I just want to be a counterweight to all of the positivity going around in the first few weeks of the new year.